Hedging the loaded question (not really)

I teach at a charter school so parents drop off and pick up their children at school - there are no big yellow buses going through our driveway.  Most of my Kindergarten parents opt to park and wait for us on the sidewalk, rather than drive through the carline.  As I dismiss students to their parents, I try to have something positive to say at least once a week:

 "J___ drew an amazing picture today."
 "M___ read a book all by himself!"
"A____ had a much better day today!"
"What a funny story about your trip L_____ shared today."

These simple little comments make a big difference for two reasons.  One, I have learned that parents crave information about how their children are doing in school.  Honestly, I learned that because I'm a mom, too.  I love to hear my children's teachers say wonderful things about my boys.  It tells me - this teacher sees my child in class.  I want parents to know -  yes, I see your child in my classroom.  My second reason is that these little interactions establish a rapport between myself and the parents.  When conferences come around, I'm not sitting across the table from unfamiliar faces.  I have established an initial relationships with these parents and we can work together.  Research shows that success in school is a joint venture between teacher, parents, and students.  I can't do it alone.

My problem is when I hear the loaded, "How is K_____ really doing in class?" from a parent whose child is seriously struggling.  It's one thing if they've contacted me to set up a meeting and we're sitting in the privacy of my classroom when they ask.  It's a whole other can of worms when they ask as I'm walking my students outside for dismissal (or during a classroom celebration).  It's interesting, but the parents of the kids who are doing fine never put me on the spot like this.  I can't lie and say, "Oh, K_____ is doing great in class," when K______ still doesn't know any letter names after a month of school.  The diplomatic thing to say is, "Let's set up a time to discuss how K___ is doing in class," but parents always seem to know I'm just hedging and that it means their child is not doing well.

I'm always open to meeting with parents and discussing their children's progress.  I'm just not open to having these discussions when I'm trying to get nineteen other students to their parents or during a fun celebration.